what do you do about a future mother in law making you wear her family heirloom for the wedding?
jhart1045 asked:
I am wearing a beautiful chantily lace wedding gown and wearing my great grandmothers pearls with nothing else. My fiance’s mother has told her son that I will wear her familys necklace for the ceremony what do I do?
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I am wearing a beautiful chantily lace wedding gown and wearing my great grandmothers pearls with nothing else. My fiance’s mother has told her son that I will wear her familys necklace for the ceremony what do I do?
September 24th, 2009 at 2:58 am
tell her to shove it booker_d
September 26th, 2009 at 7:45 am
It’s your wedding, not hers. She had one. If you don’t want to, tell her you appreciate the gesture, but you’ve already selected one. If you want to appease her a little, offer to have a couple pictures of you wearing her necklace. Pinky
September 26th, 2009 at 5:18 pm
Say thank you but you have already selected the jewelry you’ll be wearing. If you allow her this hun… your marriage is going to make you miserable. You will always be pushing aside your own wants and needs for hers and if she’s at all manipulative, she will have a field day with you. The Wife
September 29th, 2009 at 8:32 am
Unfortunately, it is not her wedding and you are not her daughter. Politely tell her that you appreciate her thoughtfulness for considering allowing you to wear the heirloom, but that you have already decided on wearing an heirloom from your own side of the family. Beautiful Chaos
September 30th, 2009 at 7:17 pm
Your wedding not hers!
You simply say I’m already wearing my GG-mothers pearls.
Be firm but polite otherwise you will be miserable with her ♥Invisible Pink Unicorn♥
October 1st, 2009 at 9:44 am
Say, “I’m so sorry Mrs… I already have all my jewelry picked out. But it was really kind of you to offer! Thanks!”
It sounds like you will look beautiful! rmcd
October 4th, 2009 at 3:13 am
just explain to her that its your families tradition to wear the pearl necklace, and its your wedding not hers. flint
October 6th, 2009 at 6:23 pm
Wear hers at the dress rehearsal, or for engagement photos, or at the reception instead. That way, she’ll still feel included but you get to wear your gran’s for the wedding. politically correct
October 10th, 2009 at 5:50 am
Let her know that you have your jewelry chosen for the wedding and although you are honored that she would like you to wear the necklace you would prefer to wear your family heirloom. Perhaps you can bring it up to her that you will wear her family heirloom (if it matches of course and you want too) during the reception. If you don’t wish to wear the necklace at all then just say the first statement above and leave her to your fiance if she continues to be pushy about the matter. Philly K
October 11th, 2009 at 10:46 pm
Is she holding a gun to your head? She can’t make you do anything. if its important to your fiance then perhaps you need to compromise. If he doesn’t care then don’t wear it.
Think long and hard about your actions though. Do you want to start you marriage off on the wrong foot with your MIL? Maybe you can wrap her necklace in your flowers or wear it during engagment photos? Soon to be Mrs. M
October 14th, 2009 at 4:49 pm
I’m assuming your grandmother’s pearls are a necklace (not a bracelet or earrings, etc)? If that’s the case, this is very easy. You already have a necklace. Ask her how she feels if you were to carry it instead, perhaps wrap it around the base of your bouquet or something?
I understand - what you wear on this day of all days should be 100% your choice. If she was asking to to carry a handkerchief or something, I’d say just humor her, it’s not worth anyone having their feelings hurt. But if there is any way that you can incorporate her family heirloom without compromising the look you’re going for, I think you should try.
If that won’t work - just stand your ground, decline politely, and be as nice as possible about it. She’s just excited about her son’s big day and wants to be part of things. I’m sure her heart is in the right place even if her manners aren’t! Adrianne
October 15th, 2009 at 9:52 pm
personally I would tell her a firm “thank you anyway”, but maybe you could wear it to the rehearsal dinner just to pacify her? Honestly this is a put your foot down convo, if you don’t want to then you need to tell her (not have him do it).
as a side note, I would be a little pissy about the “told” and not “asked” part too. diamondsandsapphire
October 18th, 2009 at 10:45 am
You just say NO. Explain that it is important to you that you wear the pearls that it is family tradition. You could offer to change to her offered necklace for the reception, so that if this is a tradition for her, then her families traditions are honored in part as well. shihtzulover123
October 19th, 2009 at 8:12 pm
Just tell her the truth. Tell her that you appreciate that she has offered for you to wear it but you would really like to wear your grandmother’s necklace. Mother of 11 month old boy baby
October 20th, 2009 at 4:08 pm
pretend to be so busy that you don’t get what she’s saying. Bildioy
October 22nd, 2009 at 9:39 pm
Graciously tell her that you already have your necklace for the day of and that’s it’s an heirloom from your grandmother. Thank her for the offer and then see if there is any way you can incoporate your soon to be MIL’s necklace into your attire (possibly wrapping it around the base of your bouquet) if she continues to insist. CorpCityGrl
October 23rd, 2009 at 9:41 am
Nobody can force you to wear anything. Stand up for yourself. lalala
October 25th, 2009 at 9:06 am
no one can tell you what jewelry to wear, for a wedding or on any other day. it’s a free country. this woman sounds like a robo beoch, ordering you around thru her son! tell her to either wear the necklace herself, or you can fasten it inside your dress if she’s so concerned about it being on your person. then you can just leave it at home, don’t even bother with it. I love my love
October 28th, 2009 at 5:40 pm
Ugh,your the bride so you get to decide.I can’t believe some MIL’s. Mississippi Mud
October 31st, 2009 at 6:40 am
Well, you can tell her to shove it, or you can make a compromise. Tell her that you are wearing your grandmothers pearls, but ask if she has some earings or some other little family heirloom that you can use. She probably just wants to feel included. camy
October 31st, 2009 at 10:45 pm
He needs to speak with her and say you are wearing something belonging to your grandmother, that you appreciate the gesture but you won’t be wearing it. Let him deal with her. Luv2Answer
November 2nd, 2009 at 3:51 am
No one can make you do anything.
However, depending upon what the necklace is like, maybe you could put it somehow amongst your bouquet, or wrap it around the handle -
Like this one shows a rosary - Lydia
November 2nd, 2009 at 9:47 pm
Its your wedding, do what makes you happy. Just tell her thank you for the opportunity but you are already wearing a neclace that means a lot to you cem08
November 5th, 2009 at 4:54 am
See if you can wear it to another wedding function. If not, you get to tell her that you will not be wearing it to your wedding. Think up a nice way to let her down, such as “I have always dreamed of getting married in pearls” Or it was grandma’s wish to see me in pearls on my wedding day.
She really does need to back off. It is rude to push things off on the bride. She could have said something to the effect that the heirloom necklace was available, and if you wanted to, could wear it. That would have saved you and her some heartache, and it would have been the polite thing to say.
Some one is always around a wedding, wanting it to be theirs, the way they want. So, she does not have a daughter to pass it on to? That would explain things. So tell your fiancee that you will not be wearing the necklace, then go tell her. riversconfluence
November 5th, 2009 at 2:34 pm
You tell her that your wearing your grandmothers necklace and thats final. She should understand. Your grandmother is your blood she isn’t and neither is her family. Your just marrying into the family. But it shouldn’t be a big deal and it shouldn’t turn into an escapade. Maybe you can wear something else of there side of the family like earrings or a bracelet if they have it. But you shouldn’t feel pressured. Its your wedding. Kimberly
November 8th, 2009 at 6:09 pm
You thank her sincerely for her kind offer but let her know that you have your heart set on wearing your great-grandmother’s jewelry. No one can make you wear something that you don’t want to wear.
But, since this woman is going to be a crucial part of your family, it wouldn’t hurt to offer something else in appeasement. For example, maybe you don’t want to wear the necklace but does she have a handkerchief or silk scarf you could wrap around your bouquet? Or could you wear the necklace to the rehearsal dinner? Unless she’s a really bossy, pushy lady, she may just want to contribute something from her family to her new daughter-in-law. truefirstedition
November 9th, 2009 at 6:13 am
Can you have it wrapped around the stem of your bouquet? If she doesn’t like it just tell her that’s the only option as you are wearing your great grandma’s pearls. Make sure your photographer takes a pic of the bouquet. Jennifer B